Right around the corner from the apartment I shared with my dad lived a girl who was a couple of years younger than me. I knew she had a crush on me for the last couple of years. She was a cute little girl but kind of shy and whenever she got around me she would giggle a lot, laughed at almost anything I said. Her name was Betsy. She was the last person that I ever thought would become a major player in my life, but she was going to change my life forever.  

I went walking down her street one day to see if I could just happen across her. I was bored and wanted someone to talk to, she was close by and I knew she would be willing. I was feeling lonely after my parents divorce and she always made me feel good about myself just because she gushed over me so much. As I approached her house, sure enough she was sitting on her front porch talking to her best friend Carol. I almost swallowed my tongue! She had grown a foot it seemed and was no longer the little girl that I felt so superior over; I could only hope she still had that crush on me. She wasn't as skinny as before but certainly was not overweight. Her hair style was different too, instead of short and wavy, the hair spray was gone and it was now longer and more natural looking. Where before it didn't look like it would move in a hurricane, now it moved with just the slightest breeze, it was this beautiful light brown with natural auburn highlights that illuminated in the sunlight. I hadn't seen her over the summer, it was just a few months but she was a completely different person. As we talked I realized the silliness was gone it seemed she had turned into this totally natural earth mother, she had stopped dressing like a little school girl and had this new hip look, not quite a hippie but very becoming. She was wearing Levi jeans and a midriff yellow halter top than looked great next to her tanned flat stomach. She had learned to play the acoustic guitar and she had this beautiful round face with almond shaped eyes that were so sincere and trusting you could get lost in them.  They seemed to be all knowing and yet full of innocence at the same time, they smiled even when she wasn't.  She was so down to earth and in touch with who she was, she had an air of confidence that was missing before, you were just drawn to her.  Her parents wouldn't let her wear makeup but she didn't need it. She had an olive complexion with just a slight touch of natural pink in her cheeks. She was so healthy looking with a smile that was contagious.  

As the weeks went by I couldn't believe this was the same girl, instead of dismissing her I couldn't get enough of her. I wanted to spend as much time with her as she would allow. I felt honored that she gave me as much attention as she did. I went from feeling superior to her to almost feeling not worthy of her time. She was no longer a little girl in my eyes she was now my peer in every way. She was only fourteen but seemed so much more mature than that. She was aware of the newfound respect I had for her and seemed to appreciate it. I was just afraid that she would make me fall for her and then dismiss me as I had her to let me know how it felt. She showed me much more compassion than I had shown her when the tables were turned.  

The year before, I had done an interview as a Drama class project. We were to interview an influential person in Memphis, I choose one of the most popular DJ's of the time, George Kline. He had become a good friend, turns out that he had gone to school with a cousin of mine. He was helping me with my pursuit of a job in radio. He let me do these imaginary radio shows in the production studios called air checks and I also did some on a little reel to reel tape machine in my bedroom. One day I brought some of them down to Betsy's house to let her hear them. I wanted to see what she thought; ok, I wanted to impress her. I trusted her to not make fun of me; her opinion mattered more than anyone else. She listened to them and told me how great I sounded.  Even though I knew I didn't, it was good to hear that she thought so. She was my only friend that encouraged me in my pursuit of a radio career, the only one to believe in me at such an early stage, she made me believe I could really make it happen.  

Her parents were very protective of her. When I would go over to her house her Mom would let her come out and talk to me but wouldn't allow me in the house. Every time I came over to see her, before I knew it her little sister Molly would find a reason to come outside too. Seems her mom was sending her on a mission to keep an eye on us and make sure there was nothing going on.  Betsy and I had grown closer and closer over the last few months, she had become more than just a friend to me but I wasn't sure if she felt the same way. Although she was much more confident she still wasn't the type of girl to come out and say how she felt.  

She had this great climbing tree in her front yard, off to the side of her house. I came over to see her one day and we knew Molly would be coming out soon, so she grabbed my hand and we ran to the tree and climbed it. There was this spot where two big limbs separated and we could both stand there. Molly looked everywhere for us but never thought to look up in the tree! We were both laughing but not out loud so she wouldn't hear us, she was almost right under us. She started calling Betsy's name and went around to the other side of the house. We had our chance and I gave Betsy a hug. I can still feel the warmth of holding her body next to mine; I had grown so close to her, it felt so good to hold someone you cared about so much. The wind was blowing her hair in my face, whatever shampoo she used smelled wonderful, so fresh and clean with just a hint of honeysuckle. As we pulled back I looked into her eyes and could see that the hug meant as much to her as it did to me. Those beautiful brown eyes told me for the first time it was okay to kiss her. I gave her our first kiss. I think it was her first kiss ever. It was so soft and tender; it told her how much she meant to me. It was like no other kiss had ever been for me, it had emotion, and it gave me a bond with her that I had never felt before. I had kissed other girls but that was when we had set out to meet somewhere for just that purpose, this was spontaneous it was the first time it felt so natural, so caring and loving. We started laughing out loud because it was such a tender moment and we were up in a tree! Just then Molly came around the house and looked up when she heard us, but it was too late we already had our moment, she had failed her mission. Betsy was no longer the shy little girl that had been underfoot the year before, she had grown into a beautiful person both physically and spiritually and now she had my full attention.  After that day her Mom would let me come into the house so she could keep an eye on us. Maybe a neighbor had seen us "up in a tree K. I. S. S. I. N. G.".  

When I played my tapes in the house her Mom was even impressed and I started getting close to her too. I would talk to her mom about how much I respected her family and about the break up of mine. I think she saw how sincere I was. She started to see I was not just someone who wanted to steal her daughter away but someone that truly cared about her. Her Dad still kept me at arms length, but even he would warm up to me in time. 

Like me, Betsy started taking Drama; my ego let me think she was trying to impress me although it was unnecessary, I couldn't be more impressed. She was my first true girlfriend; she was all I could think about. I went to sleep thinking about her and in the morning I couldn't wait to get to school to see her. I changed my mind about why she took Drama when she got the lead in Our Town.  I was also wrong about thinking I couldn't be more impressed. She blew me away; she was an actress and a good one. The play was all about understanding death and that was something I didn't want to think about, life was so beautiful and happy for me then and that subject matter was just too dark. For the first time it seemed I had found the right person for me. She was so warm and caring, I could talk to her about anything. How could I be so lucky?

We decided to go to some speech tournaments together and compete in duet acting.  We chose a piece from The Apple Tree called the Diary of Adam and Eve by Mark Twain.  In most cases you would just take a ten to twelve minute piece from a play and perform it straight through.  But instead I took a few lines from several parts of the play and told the whole story of Adam and Eve in the time allotted.  I took them from Adam's pain in the side which of course was Eve's arrival, to naming the animals, to having kids and finally being banned by God from the Garden of Eden. While Adam wanted to name "All you creatures swimming around down there, swimmers" Eve wanted to name them fish and even had different names for different kinds of fish. She wanted to name one of the wild aggressive animals a Lion, why? Because it looked like a Lion! When Eve gave birth to Cain, Adam thought he was some new kind of new fish. Eve had to explain to him what had happened and eventually Adam believed her. 

Betsy delivered her lines with a combination of innocence and wisdom that Eve herself must have had, she was flawless in her portrayal of Eve. We placed almost everywhere we competed but only second or third place.  We were a couple now and things couldn't be much better but other guys at school were seeing the change in her. She was getting a lot more attention from the male population in high school and I guess she was wondering if she should test the waters with some of them. We started to drift apart as she became interested in some of other guys at school.  One in particular that also played guitar, they would play their guitars together and all I could play was records!  My feelings for her now far surpassed what she felt for me, she wanted to explore what else was out there. I couldn't get mad because that would drive her away from me. Her Father was an angry man and she had told me on many occasions that one of the things she liked best about me was that I was always funny and upbeat, that I never lost my temper. So I had to be satisfied with my new role as friend and not boyfriend. But she did make me promise that when she turned sixteen I would take her out on her first date and I looked forward to that. It gave me hope that she still cared about me. Everyone was seeing what a different person she had become and she was enjoying it. I couldn't and wouldn't take that away from her. I was sure that in time she would realize that we were suppose to be together. Don't all guys think that? While she had moved on I still cared deeply for her, she had become the most important person in my life and I couldn't just forget that as if it never happened, or how much she believed in me, encouraged me, I needed that. My mother told me on a daily basis growing up that I was stupid and lazy, after a while you start to believe it. That's why Betsy's belief in me meant so much; I wasn't used to hearing that. She didn't realized that the class clowns, the funny guys were usually more insecure than most, I know I was.  She did know how good it made me feel to hear praise and she made me feel good a lot. We remained close friends and could still talk about anything. 

By the time her birthday rolled around I had bought her family car from her dad.  We had become closer after Betsy told him I was no longer her boyfriend. He had no idea what we had planned for that car! He did give me a great deal on it: the car, five tires and five hubcaps for just 90 bucks! It was a ten year old Oldsmobile 98, the five hubcaps? One was to a Chevy, one to a Ford, two to a Pontiac and never could decide what the other one went to but none of them would fit my new car. Oh, and about the tires that came with the car? None of them had any tread; they were as bald as he was! 

She thought it was so strange going out with me in her car, although she did seem to be comfortable enough to put her bare feet up on my dashboard. I was a bit nervous about going out with her, my feelings for he hadn't changed. If anything they had grown stronger. I hadn't been interested in anybody else; I was just waiting for this date to see where (if anywhere) it might lead. I knew she had been interested in several other guys but I didn't know if she was serious with any of them. She didn't say and I didn't pry.  

Through my friendship with George Klein I had become friends with several DJ's at WHBQ one of them was Robert W Walker who was one of the coolest DJ's at the time; he did the 6-9 pm air shift right after George, who was mainly known for being Elvis' best friend in high school. He would later help me get my first job in radio. George did a local TV show called Dance Party (later Talent Party) it was kind of a local American Bandstand. I remember one Friday night when I was at the TV station watching George tape the show, the Frayser High School Cheerleaders were there along with the WHBQ-tees (you had to be there). Some of the Cheerleaders went up to the control room door and asked Rob to play them a song. They were in their sexy little Cheerleader outfits, so what song did he play for them? Three Dog Night's "Easy to be Hard" of course, I couldn't believe he got away with that.  When he would do a Public Service Announcement at the end in a very low voice, almost a whisper he would say "It's gonna be cool". He could make you believe it even if it wasn't cool at all, you know like a blood drive! He was the hippest DJ on AM radio, he and Super Shan (Scott Shannon) who was on WMPS in the same time slot.   

Betsy and I were going to meet Rob and his girlfriend at a station promotion. It was some kind of crafts show at the Mid-South Coliseum and she seemed to be pretty impressed with that.  When we got together for this date it was like we had never been apart. She was still easy to talk to, still comfortable to be around and we got a lot closer that night; I started to feel the bond that I had first felt in her tree a year or so ago. With her birthday came new freedoms like perfume, I don't know what it was but it was sure calling my name. I bought her a lot of little trinkets like glass blown flowers, little stuffed animals, incense, etc. She was thrilled, I guess it was the first time a guy bought anything for her, she was jumping up and down with excitement and she had this beautiful smile on her face. That, along with the scent of her new perfume was beckoning me; I was like the cat in the cartoons that floated through the air smelling the scent of the fish! It was all I could do to refrain from kissing her. She gave me that go ahead look that she had given me so many times before but I was afraid to move too fast, I didn't want to blow it with her. The thing she had always liked about me was my ability to make people laugh, I seemed fearless to her. She saw me as a confident guy who never doubted himself. I knew right then I shouldn't have let that opportunity slip by. It looked to me as if we were going to get back together and I wanted that more than anything.   

As I drove her home I told her that I almost kissed her earlier at the craft show. She said "I know, I could tell". I was just pulling up to the side of her house where her parents couldn't see us. I said "would it be okay?" She just shook her head yes. I had dreamed of this moment since we had stopped seeing each other. I gave her a passionate kiss and then another and another, my heart was about to jump out of my chest when she stopped me.  "I could stay out here with you all night but my parents will be looking for me", so she got out and asked me not to walk her to the door because she didn't want to deal with her parents. I think she knew I would want to kiss her goodnight at the door and the only reason her parents let her go with me is because they thought we were just friends now. I waited until she walked in the house and drove home with a big grin on my face, now I knew we were getting back together. I savored those words she said to me…"I could stay out here with you all night". When we talked the next day she asked me not to tell anyone what had happened the night before, she had to take care of a few things before we could let people know we were getting back together. Was she seeing someone else? I didn't care, I couldn't be happier; things were going so well for Betsy and me; little did I know that tragedy was lurking around the corner.   

She went to Nashville to a speech tournament and competed in debate.  She was supposed to be back home Saturday night. Sunday afternoon we were going to get together and work on our cutting.  I had made some changes to hopefully do better in the next tournament. I was waiting for a phone call, when it came it wasn't Betsy. It was from her best friend Carol telling me that there had been a terrible accident on the way home from Nashville the night before, seems that Matt the driver of the car Betsy was in had fallen asleep at the wheel and drifted into some gravel on the shoulder of the road, instead of easing back onto the highway he jerked the wheel. The car flipped over several times and three girls had been killed, Betsy was one of them.  She had been thrown from the car and landed on her cheek breaking her neck, she died instantly. I could feel my eyes well up with tears, my mouth dried up, the blood drained from my face and I got a lump in my throat as I felt my knees began to buckle.  I was devastated.  How could this be true? How could God let this happen to such a beautiful creature? My world had just come to an end. How could she be gone so quickly, with no warning? I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I would never talk to her again, never hold her or kiss her. 

Matt survived along with one other passenger. For a year I plotted his death. I came up with several different plans each one more painful than the last.  With time I realized it was an accident and that he would have to live with it for the rest of his life. When you are hurt like that you have to blame someone, I blamed Matt. 

I walked around in a daze for what seemed like a lifetime until the day before her funeral. In the middle of the night, I found myself up in that tree in Betsy's front yard where we had shared our first kiss, it was so dark and quiet yet I could still hear that infectious laugh of hers. I looked over at Betsy's bedroom window and of course the light was out, she was  gone, this is not just a bad dream. I sat where we had stood that day; I leaned back and looked up into the sky. It was a clear night; you could see every star in the sky. As I stared into space I thought If only she hadn't gone to Nashville, if only she had a ride in another car, if only Matt hadn't fallen asleep. There were a hundred of "if onlys", I wanted my time with her back so badly so I could savor every moment of it. I cried for hours. I had loved her with all my heart and never had the chance to tell her. Three little words that seemed so hard for me to say would be so easy now. It didn't matter if she felt the same for me as I thought it would; I needed for her to know how much she meant to me, how comfortable I was with her, how much it meant to me that she believed in me. When things were bad at home she could always make me feel better, yet I never told her that. So many feelings not expressed. Did she know? Could she feel how much I cared about her? If she could see I wanted to kiss her, couldn't she see how much I cared for her? Surely she did. I had to believe she did. 

Attending her funeral would prove to be one of the most difficult things I ever did.  A group of her close friends stayed with her all night before the funeral.  It was to be a closed casket funeral but her older sister Amy wanted to say goodbye as we all did. She opened the casket that night.  As she stood there looking at her little sister she locked her knees and was wearing a one of those one piece dresses that I had seen Betsy wear so many times, she had the same long brown hair. Betsy always stood with her knees locked like that, I thought for a moment it was Betsy standing there. It was all I could do to not call out her name. No one knew how close we had become since her birthday. I was calm on the outside but I was screaming on the inside. The pain was unbearable. 

We gave Amy a few minutes alone with her and then slowly walked up to the casket. When I looked down at her it was as if she were sleeping, she had a single cut on her index finger and a few scratches on her cheek; they were the only visible injuries.  She looked so beautiful; I couldn't believe she was gone.  I wanted to stroke her hair, touch her hand or even kiss her to say goodbye but I remembered my Father, who at one time had been an embalmer, told me that no matter how natural a person looks, they don't feel the same and never touch them. He said to remember what she was like when she was alive. It was so hard to resist but for once I listened to what he said and I'm glad I did, nothing was going to replace the memory of that first tender kiss, the night of her sixteenth birthday and all the laughs and tender moments we had shared. In hindsight I guess I did tell her that I loved her, just not in words. There were probably thirty people in the cathedral that night and we were all scattered around having our individual conversations when a hush suddenly came over the room.  Every one of us simultaneously felt Betsy's presence.  There was a moment of silence as we all took in the unmistakable feeling of Betsy being there with us enjoying the love for her that was in the room that night.  It was just for a moment and she was gone. We all started talking again but it was about the feeling we all had just experienced.  

Later that day at the funeral it seemed the whole school turned out. She had touched so many lives with her kindness and understanding, so many friends. I guess they loved her too. Maybe she made everyone feel as loved and appreciated as she made me feel. Every one of us that had stayed the night with her got a single long stem red rose and at the end of the service one by one we filed by, kissed the rose and placed it on top of the casket. It was a loving gesture and a final goodbye to a beautiful soul. 

Betsy and I had already signed up for several more tournaments so I picked another partner and continued doing the cutting.  I knew it wasn't going to be easy doing it without Betsy; in fact I wasn't sure I could, but I wanted to try. The first performance was really going well until my last speech. For the first time the words came to life, they weren't just words, they had meaning to me and I was going to make that audience feel what I felt. Adam and Eve had been banned from the Garden of Eden; Adam was on his knees weeding a little vegetable garden.  Mr. Hester had taught me that when I was on stage or performing to look just over the head of the audience and they would feel as if I was looking into their eyes. This time I looked out into the audience making deliberate eye contact with each of them, I wanted them to feel the pain I was feeling, the same pain that Adam must have experienced. I felt cheated by God as I am sure Adam did. I stopped weeding, leaned back on my ankles, I struggled to hold back the tears as I looked out at them so they could feel the pain in my face even before I spoke. With a weak and shaky voice I delivered my lines "Eve died today…at first I thought it was a terrible tragedy when Eve and I had to leave the garden" my bottom lip began to quiver as tears began to stream down my face, it was one of the hardest things I have ever done, somehow I found the strength to continue "…but now I know that wherever Eve was…there was Eden".  I dropped my chin to my chest and began to sob for a moment before I regained my composure. As I said those words all I could think about was my beautiful Betsy and how every moment I had spent with her was like a day in paradise. I wasn't acting, I was grieving! The small audience of twenty to twenty five sat silently until I got it together enough to rise from my knees and then broke into applause. We took first place almost everywhere we performed after the accident and yet I felt guilty, as if I was taking advantage of the situation.  I thought I was dishonoring Betsy's memory.  Mr. Hester told me that's what actors do, they borrow from their life experiences to pull up the emotions they need for a part and that he thought Betsy would be proud of me for continuing what we had started together.  Each performance after that was dedicated to her memory but I never told the audience because I wanted to be judged on my performance and not on the pain I had to endure to deliver it. Through the pain, the memory of Betsy still brought joy to my heart. Eventually I was able to focus on that joy as I continued my quest for a radio career, she believed so strongly that I could make it as a DJ and I didn't want to let her down. I could have given up and felt sorry for myself but I knew what she expected of me. She respected me because I worked so hard at reaching my goal in radio. It's amazing what we can achieve when someone we love believes in us. 

Ironically in a way, it was Betsy that indirectly got me my first job in radio. At the end of that school year I was the emcee of the JR/SR Banquet. The theme was "United We Stand" from the song by Brotherhood of Man. Someone had lost a long white glove. I had to go up on stage to make the announcement and try to find the owner. As I walked up the stairs to the stage I looked at the back wall as the lights came up I saw the words UNITED WE STAND spelled out in giant letters. It occurred to me that until the accident when you entered the school lobby there were all these groups of people; Jocks here, ROTC there, the Honor Society in another group. Since the death of Betsy and the other two girls, the groups had disappeared as we all came together, we all realized how precious life is and how quickly it can be taken away. No one had said anything in public about the accident. I decided that I was going to put an end to it that night. When I reached the microphone I said "UNITED WE STAND" means more to us here at Frayser than just a song on the radio. Have you noticed since the death this year of two of our friends (the other girl killed went to a different school) that the groups have disappeared and we are all coming together to help each other through the tragedy that we have all had to endure? The sad thing is next year when we come back to school the groups will reappear as the memory of how hurt we are starts to fade. Please don't let that happen, remember life is like anything else, you only get out of it what you put into it. Show the appreciation you have now for each other everyday. You never know who you may lose tomorrow. Did someone lose this glove?" I got a standing ovation for that speech led by my friend Steve Weber.  

I had met with the Operations Manager of FM100 after getting a recommendation from George Klein; he was considering me for my first job in Radio. His name was Dean Weber, yes Steve's father. When Steve (who didn't know we had talked) told his dad what I had done and how much it had touched him, I got the job.  Mr. Weber said "We like to hire good people here at WMC and you are a good person" then with a chuckle he added "and some day you may be a good disc jockey too". Many a truth told in jest. That made me believe that even with George's recommendation without that speech I wouldn't have gotten the job. Betsy, who in life had believed in me so much, turned out to be the one who made it happen.  

I still think of her often and wonder what life would have been like had she not died.  Years later I ran into her sister, Amy. We talked on the phone a few times and went out to dinner once, but all I could talk about was Betsy.  I decided that wasn't fair to Amy.  After all she had moved on years ago, so we drifted apart once again and went our separate ways.  If I couldn't tell Betsy how much she had meant to me all those years ago, at least I could tell Amy.   

If ever there was a life interrupted it was the young life of Betsy Reno.

Mitch McCracken